Sara Orellana
By Sara Orellana
Like many, the art of negotiation is honed skill I had to learn. As a young entrepreneur, I worried that if I negotiated for a higher salary or something I wanted, it seemed as though I was ungrateful and/or I would lose the offer. I had to balance gratitude while developing a sense of confidence in my skills and capabilities in order to demonstrate my value.
Fast-forward a few years. After experiencing several challenges and roadblocks, my fears eventually dissipated. During that time I had developed a true understanding of what it means to be grateful. I learned I can be appreciative of the offer and opportunity, and still ask for my worth.
When speaking to a colleague recently, I asked him why he thought negotiating can be intimidating, and his answer stunned me. He replied that when we are negotiating for money we are naturally humbled because in our culture, merely asking for money — especially more money — is discomforting.
Thinking about his point, the fact that a man, well established in his field, felt this way, gave me the courage to question how we can overcome the natural feeling and be more confident. The easiest way is to build confidence is to practice, practice, practice. Particularly practice with people who will give you honest feedback. And remember that everyone feels this way.
A few tips:
Before walking into the meeting, remind yourself of an obstacle you conquered
Nervous before a meeting with a high-ranking military officer, my daughter found me nervously pacing. She looked at me, and said, “Mom, if you can flip a tire, you can talk to anyone.” The mere fact that she brought up a gym accomplishment made me burst out laughing, and reminded me that I am strong.
Create a win list
This is my favorite assignment to give to clients. Purchase a new notebook — something you will enjoy looking at — and then fill it with every win. I do mean every win, no matter how miniscule. Write your strengths in the notebook as well. Before a big meeting, especially one where you will be negotiating, review your lists. They will give you more courage and confidence than you knew you had.
Practice positivity and gratitude
As crazy as this sounds, people respond to the energy we exude. If we are scared or fearful, people can sense it and often use that to their advantage. If you are positive, grateful, and full of confidence, generally, people will respond to you in the same way.
Use open body language, a positive tone, and nod yes when you want people to agree
You communicate more with your body language and tone than with your words.
Remember the power of silence
No matter how tempted you are to fill the silence with chatter, don’t. Say what needs to be said, then sit confidently in silence, maintaining a soft smile, warm, open body language, and emanating confidence.
These are nontraditional tips for negotiating. The true secret is to be yourself. That’s right 100% you. Be genuine and authentic. Don’t try a technique that doesn’t fit you. The more ‘you’ you are, the more confident you will be.
Sara Orellana, MS, MPH is an independent entrepreneur who specializes in strategic planning, leadership, and grant writing. She can be reached at sara@3raptorconsulting.com.