A lot of families will celebrate Sunday with Father’s Day outings or meals, but others will continue to mourn the loss of a dad, grandfather, uncle or that special male role model.
For many people, the grief process continues each year around this time but there ways to turn that into a positive experience.
“Father’s day is a great time to remember those men in our lives and the impact they had,” said Col. Robert Glazener, senior chaplain at Fort Sill. “One great way to deal with grief of the loss of any person is to talk about them. Talk about the funny things they did. Talk about their values, success and how they impacted your life, the family and your community.
Glazener also urges families to create a ritual as a way to remember their dad or granddad. If their loved one enjoyed reading buy books for the library or if they loved the woods, work with a park to plant a tree in remembrance of them, he suggested.
“Another ritual is on the day of their death do something specifically to remember the loved one. Have friends and family visit the grave, talk about the loved one and then eat their favorite meal with friends and family,” he said. “Create rituals that are culturally relevant to a particular family or organization to honor a loved one, so communication and connection is continuous.
Military families deal with the loss of a father with some variations that stem from their membership in a particular unit.
“When a Soldier dies on active duty the unit has a memorial,” Glazener said. “The memorial consist of teammates memories of the Soldier, words of hope from a chaplain and honors. Honors consist of firing volleys and playing Taps. The memorial ritual is to begin the grieving process and to remind the team their mission is not complete.”
Many units after a loss gather together at a familiar place and eat and drink and talk about their friend, the chaplain said.
“One unit I was a part of, on the anniversary of every death of a teammate they would meet at the unit’s memorial wall, say a few words about the Soldier and drink a toast before getting back to work. This helped the family and teammates remember, as well as allow new teammates to learn about their history,” Glazener said.
Glazener suggests all families – military or civilian – visit the gravesites of fathers and other male family members – visit grave sites as much as possible to honor their loved ones.
“Graves are a visible reminder of the life and impact a person had on a family and community,” he said.
Grief experts from Memorial Park Funeral Home and Cemetery in Oklahoma City offer the following ideas for honoring dads:
• Cook up his famous brisket recipe.
• Take the family to a ballgame.
• Binge-watch his favorite flicks.
• Go for a long drive in his old car.
• Play a round of golf with his buddies.
• Host a poker game for his favorite charity.
Thinking about the little things that made him happy can bring a moment of comfort. And remember, you don’t have to do anything to honor him on Father’s Day if that feels too painful. Focusing on what he meant to you — what he taught you, his impact on your life and those of others — will always be tribute enough.
Following are more ideas from the grief experts at Memorial Park:
Buy a card. It’s hard to escape Father’s Day cards for sale in the month of June. If the card display makes you emotional, go ahead and buy
a card that captures your feelings or your relationship with your father. Thoughtful, serious or funny, the card you choose can help put your emotions and thoughts into words. Tap into those memories, and write a note in the card. You can bring the card to your father’s gravesite or keep it in a special place at home.
Share his stories. Many fathers are known for the stories they tell, whether they are life lessons in disguise or colorful documentation of
a past era. On Father’s Day keep your own father’s stories alive for future generations by recording some of your favorites in a journal or retelling his stories to your own children. Or, at the dinner table ask each family member to share their favorite story of Dad’s or Grandpa’s or a special memory of their own before beginning the meal.
Bring flowers. Bringing flowers to your father’s gravesite on Father’s Day is a nice way to pay tribute to your dad, and you can do so with a “masculine” touch. Choose flowers in the colors of his favorite college or pro team, like red and white carnations with blue irises for a Cubs fan or bright yellow daises with greenery for the die-hard Packers fan. Or select an arrangement in the logo of Dad’s favorite team. As an added service, most Dignity Memorial providers have relationships with local florists to make ordering flowers easy.
Visit another father. Father’s Day might feel lonely if you can’t visit or call your own father. Consider visiting a senior in a nursing home or senior center who might not otherwise have any visitors on Father’s Day. If appropriate and permitted by the facility, younger children can also enjoy the visit. Instead of feeling alone with your memories on Father’s Day, use the day to bring joy to another father’s afternoon.
What would Dad do? On Father’s Day, spend the day in tribute to your father by taking part in activities he would have enjoyed. Take the family to a ballgame, barbecue on Dad’s grill in the backyard or watch a movie marathon of his favorite flicks — whether it’s John Wayne or James Bond, these activities can help you feel you’re still spending the day with Dad even when he’s gone.